


lowkey

by xuming8



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Fingering, Internalized Homophobia, Non AU, Non Linear Timeline, Plot What Plot, Porn with Feelings, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23600839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuming8/pseuds/xuming8
Summary: It’s supposed to be cheap thrills and easy pleasure.But Minghao makes Mingyu ache.Minghao makes Mingyu vulnerable.Minghao makes Mingyu more fucking scared than he’s ever been.Minghao makes Mingyu queer.And he hates Minghao for that, most of all.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 3
Kudos: 64





	lowkey

Mingyu presses his lips against Minghao’s neck, where his pulse is beating rapidly.

His eyes meet Mingyu’s, the windows to his soul. Mingyu thinks if he looks hard enough, he can see Minghao’s heart.

Full.

Open.

His light is too strong, too pure. It hurts to hold his gaze, and Mingyu has to resort to looking back into the darkness. It’s safer there, where he can pretend it’s anyone else.

Anyone else but Minghao.

“M’ngyu, where are you?”

Minghao pulls Mingyu back, the palms of his hands on his cheeks. He groans, and it makes Mingyu’s cock hardens against his thigh, and Mingyu presses his hand over his heart.

Of course Minghao wants him there even if he shouldn’t.

It makes his heart clench.

Mingyu kisses him, because he feels like he should.

“Here. I’m here.”

Minghao’s skin reeks of Mingyu’s cologne, and the sweet taste of red wine dances along his lips. The night gathers around the both of them and the moonlight casts its glow on Minghao’s flushed cheeks. Mingyu wonders if he’s this beautiful all the time.

“Fuck me.” He slides his tongue over his lips, “Fuck me hard, Kim Mingyu.”

It hurts to fuck Minghao.

It’s good, it makes Mingyu’s head spin.

It’s drowning in the vast ocean, and feeling the waves of pleasure crashing over him relentlessly until he’s left gasping for air.

When he sinks inside Minghao, he loses a bit of himself — every damn time. His body bends and breaks as he pushes into Minghao and he has to hold onto him tightly just to keep himself together.

Mingyu never meant to end up here, with his heart full of Minghao. His skin carries his smell, and his feline-like eyes bore into the deepest parts of his brain. His hands on his skin send ripples of pleasure through his body and Mingyu’s heart sings for him.

Minghao slides his hands along Mingyu’s back and captures his lips in a deep kiss. His tongue meets his, his lips parted and sighing into the kiss.

Underneath the slim lines, he’s firm, hard, and strong.

Underneath the skinny frame, he’s toned thighs and muscles.

He has the brightest smile Mingyu’s ever known, he’s everything Mingyu’s ever wanted, and something he’s never wanted at all.

Mingyu grips his hips hard enough to bruise and fucks him, his honey hued slick skin against him, and his cock presses against Mingyu’s toned stomach. Minghao’s hand slips between Mingyu and he fists himself in his palm, his knuckles rubbing against him as he moves recklessly.

Mingyu loves Minghao.

The realization washes over him and pulls him under where it’s dark and he loses the control to hold himself together.

“I love you too, Kim Mingyu.” Minghao’s voice is breathless as he smiles through his words.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck buddy is anything but this. It’s supposed to be cheap thrills and generic pleasure. It’s not supposed to twist his insides and tug his heart until he can’t feel anything but Minghao.

It’s not supposed to be with him at all.

Mingyu needs Minghao more than he’s ever needed anyone in his life.

Minghao’s skin is hot and damp and his body presses against his. He arches his back and writhes, as if he needs Mingyu deeper inside his body.

He makes Mingyu ache.

He makes Mingyu vulnerable.

He makes Mingyu queer.

//

“You’re not dying, are you?”

Mingyu asks, morning sunshine sliding through his rumpled hair, and Minghao laughs croakily, throat still fuzzy with sleep.

“Thought you were the one who said we’re all dying?”

“We are,” Minghao laughs, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him close. “But if you died, that process might speed up unexpectedly for me.”

“What, are you saying you’d die without me?” Mingyu snorts but something inside of him starts to burn.

“I need you,” Minghao breathes against his neck, and the words sound so naked and vulnerable that he suddenly can’t breathe.

“I thought you didn’t need anyone,” he says quickly but his voice is shaking and he knows Minghao can hear it. “I thought you just needed to be needed.”

“I don’t need anyone,” Minghao huffs, and the words are warm in his ear. “Just you.”

//

Minghao lets him do things he’s dreamed about for twenty three years. He runs his fingers over Minghao’s body and linger in places which makes his breath hitches in his throat and shudder.

“You’re good at this,”

“I don’t want to be good at this,” comes Mingyu’s reply.

“No. I don’t suppose you do.”

Minghao spreads himself open and lets Mingyu tongue him. He lets Mingyu slide slick stubby digits inside him. His cock is hard and pulses in Mingyu’s mouth as he shallowly finger fucks him until he thinks he might cum over the bedsheets before he can get inside Minghao.

Mingyu worships Minghao’s body with his tongue and lips, making Minghao tremble with pleasure and comes with a scream. He takes Mingyu’s length deep into the back of his throat.

“This— this is disgusting and wrong.” 

“Is it?” Minghao sighs and slides back on the sheets. He’s so confident in his own skin, very assured in his pleasure. “Doubt you’d have any problems with it if I were a girl.”

“And you’re not.” Mingyu lies on his back next to him and his hand brushes his. He fights back the desire to lace their fingers together, body suddenly cold without Minghao pressed against his skin. “I have to go now,”

“What?” Minghao turns his head to him, uncertainty painting his face. “No, don’t go.”

“It’s nearly midnight now. Jihoon hyung might lock me out of the dorm if I go in later.”

“Still early,” Minghao reaches for his hand and brushes his soft lips against his fingers, “For fucks sake, stay. This is not shameful, Mingyu. There’s no shame in this at all. There’s no shame in any of it.”

Mingyu’s swallows his saliva, adam’s apple bobbing nervously.

If he stays it makes this more than just sex. If he allows himself to curl up beside Minghao and breathe in his post-sex scent, he’s not sure if he will ever find it in him to leave.

His whole body slumps back into the comfort of the mattress, sated and relaxed, eyes heavy with sleep. He runs his thumb over Minghao’s lips, and the latter kisses it, looking at Mingyu with the same unwavering stare. Mingyu leans in and kisses him.

It’s a mistake.

It’s slow and more intimate than the sex.

This kiss speaks volume.

This kiss shows Minghao’s heart.

This kiss finally, lets him see Mingyu’s.

//

“How was the shoot?” Minghao doesn’t look up from his book when Mingyu places his shoes carefully in the doorway of their dorm.

“Do you care?”

Minghao looks up and blinks, “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

“Hey about last night—“

“No. I get it, Mingyu.”

Mingyu watches Minghao from a distance, and his heart beats as he studies the contours of his face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and then, “I love you.”

Minghao turns another page in his book, and doesn’t look up this time.

//

The first time Mingyu fucks Minghao, the other members were gone for the night for drinks after finishing up on practice, and Mingyu wonders if he’ll get over it.

Minghao’s the best thing to happen to him, and the very worst.

This is the first time Mingyu can’t deny his feelings.

This is the first time he’s fucked another man.

This is the first time he’s wanted anyone so badly he aches.

This is the first time he wants to love a person.

Minghao shows Mingyu himself and he doesn’t let him pull away. For one moment when he’s buried deep inside Minghao’s overwhelmingly tight ring of muscle, he stops being afraid.

Minghao’s jet black hair is sticking to his clammy forehead, eyes hooded and glassy and heavy with lust and his lips are parted slightly and spilling words of ecstasy.

All mine, Mingyu thinks Minghao looks so pretty like that.

Splayed on the queen sized bed, all for Mingyu to see, all for Mingyu to explore, gripping tightly at the bedsheets underneath him that his knuckles are turning white as pleasure rips through his body when the blunt head of Mingyu’s length rams intothat particular spot ruthlessly.

This is wrong,

Mingyu thinks, as his hips meet Minghao’s with each thrust, sending him into a euphoria as he nears his release.

Everything about this is wrong.

Mingyu should be enjoying the soft wet flesh of a woman.

He should not be losing himself completely when Minghao’s hands grip at his shoulders while whispering about how close he is to orgasming.

Everything about this is wrong.

From the way Minghao’s small smile makes Mingyu’s own heart thud wildly against his ribcage to the way Minghao makes him feel vulnerable.

When reality washes over him, the passion dissipates into terror. He can hear the public’s voice and the way they would talk about a gay idol and the distain in their voices.

It’s dark.

It’s cold.

//

It’s uncomfortable at first.

It’s intrusive and it’s strange. 

Mingyu wants to push Minghao away.

“I’ve got you.” Minghao murmurs. His arms wrap around Mingyu and he holds him close as his slender and nimble fingers push inside him. His lube slicked hand slides over Mingyu’s cock, and Mingyu breathes in his scent that covers the pillows.

Mingyu closes his eyes, and his body twists with pleasure when Minghao strokes his fingers just so. It drives Mingyu wild, and he wants to ask for more but he can’t bring himself to say anything at all.

Fuck me.

Minghao can’t hear him, because it’s all in Mingyu’s head. But he wonders when Minghao pumps his hand hard and slides in another lubed digit inside him, maybe the younger is able to hear him.

Maybe he hears exactly what Mingyu is thinking, even when Mingyu is desperately hoping that he can’t.

//

It’s just a matter of finding the right girl. 

When Mingyu first takes the rookie actress he had met from his mutuals, she seems exactly like the right choice.

She’s perfect,

because she doesn’t cling.

And Mingyu’s sure she doesn’t have any intentions of falling in love with him.

When they fuck she’s distant and reserved. She seems to be in a far away place when she looks up, staring into the space somewhere to the left of his ear.

He closes his eyes and pretends to be somewhere else.

His hips rock into her, gasps hitching in throat, when he comes, he doesn’t think of the soft wet flesh that is engulfing him.

When he comes, it’s Minghao’s face he sees.

//

“What the fuck is this?” Minghao comes barging into Mingyu’s room, dropping his phone on Mingyu’s bed and slams the door close.

“It’s Dispatch, Minghao. What do you think it is?”

Mingyu doesn’t think he’s ever seen Minghao that angry before.

“You asshole. You dumb idiot.” Minghao picks up his phone and reads aloud, his voice dripping with anger, “Pledis Entertainment confirms the rumours that Mingyu from SEVENTEEN is dating a rookie actress.”

“What, did you honestly think I wouldn’t date?” Mingyu sneers.

“Not exactly,” the furiousness in Minghao’s eyes dissipates. “But I thought we might have a future.”

Mingyu laughs, lacking mirth and humour. “This is South Korea, Minghao. Men can’t date, even more so we are idols.”

“We could have kept things quiet,”

“Could we?” Mingyu shakes his head. “We’re celebrities, Minghao. It would be very naive of you if you thought we can keep things in the dark.”

“You let me fall in love with you,” Minghao’s cheeks are flushed crimson, “Was I a joke to you? Fuck me until something safer comes along? Something more heterosexual?” His chest feels like he’s going to cry anytime soon. The feeling of rejection, manipulation, of being used, all comes crashing down on him, so he clenches his fists and looks at Mingyu with a cold and flat gaze, “Were you experimenting?”

“Maybe. And I found out I’m not queer,” Mingyu purses his lips.

“You’re gay, Mingyu.” Minghao stares at Mingyu, “You’re fucking gay, stop lying to the both of us,”

“No I’m not. You don’t have the right to tell me what I am!” Mingyu snaps.

“Clearly,” Minghao’s voice takes a cold edge, “Why can’t you just let yourself be happy? This isn’t fair to this new girlfriend of yours. None of this is fair to anyone — not to you, me or her.”

“This— what this is between us, it doesn’t have to end.” Mingyu tries to keep the hopeful note from his voice.

“Yes, it does have to end.” Minghao curses under his breath.

“You’re just upset because I won’t be around to fuck whenever you want anymore.”

Minghao stares back at Mingyu, and Mingyu thinks he sees tears and a brittle smile, “No, Mingyu. That’s not why I’m upset.”

Minghao stands and leaves before Mingyu could respond, slamming the door behind him.

The Chinese man rarely ever cries in front of people. Mingyu knows he’s messed this up beyond repair when sees a glimpse of Minghao’s quivering lips and tearful eyes.

//

It’s lonely in the dark when Minghao is not around.

There’s too much space and time to think about everything.

Mingyu has dirty magazines that he keeps under his bed, a whole load of them, with lewd and filthy pictures of men fucking, fingering and fisting one another. They suck each other’s cocks and look right at the camera.

He thinks about Minghao’s tongue on the underside of his cock, and his plush lips wrapped around the head while he sucks, obscene sounds ripping past his throat.

Mingyu’s arousal coats his hand with its hot, sticky shame.

//

Minghao is beautiful when he sleeps.

His eyelids flicker as if he’s thinking about something.

Mingyu whispers that he loves him, one more time in case it’s the last chance he gets.

His eyes flicker again and the shadows of the night slide along his face.

His lips curl into a smile and Mingyu’s name falls from his mouth.

Mingyu speaks to him in whispers which blend with his soft snores. Mingyu tells him his secrets, and a weight drops off his shoulders as he breathes the words into his ear.

Minghao sleeps on, but part of Mingyu hopes he already knows.

And that one day, he’ll be strong enough to let his whispers be heard.

//

min9yu_k

[ photo of Mingyu smiling and a sleeping Minghaocovered in blankets snuggling up Mingyu’s neck ]

Liked by chwenotchew, pledis_boos, joshuahong951239 and 577,426 others

min9yu_k when you finally make peace with who you are, you can find all the love in the world 💎

(View all 56,755 comments)

aradlovessvt @xuminghao_o IS THIS YOUUUU

caratlaland wAIT ARE THEY GAY ARE THEY DATING WHAT

svt_bss we get it lover boy y’all dating 😫👌🏻

**Author's Note:**

> what time is it? its sinning o’clock


End file.
